Wictor Wictor
by Saphura
Summary: The bridge crew attempts to help Pavel with his pronunciation problems.


Inspired by "nuclear wessels", and the scene from the 2009 movie, and a Star Trek Reboot Art Meme on deviantart. com. If I find that art thing again, remind me to post the link. I don't own any of the characters.

* * *

Everyone turned to look as Pavel Chekov walked onto the bridge. It was a quiet day on the _Enterprise_, with none of the usual craziness was going on (which was driving Jim Kirk crazy from boredom). Pavel smiled at a tired looking Lt. Riley, who eagerly gave up his seat at the Navigation console. Jim slouched in his chair as the other person in the turbo-lift with Pavel came out and took his normal place behind the captain's chair.

As Dr. McCoy began his usual speech to the Captain of how Jim had missed three appointments in the last two weeks, and Jim gave his usual excuses, Pavel sat down, stretched his hands, and activated the console.

"Please enter authorization code," the computer said.

Pavel sank in his chair. Riley had locked him out! '_When I get my hands on him I'll…_' Pavel's thought was cut off.

Something wrong, Mr. Chekov?" Jim asked.

"Nothing, sahr," Pavel replied. "Lt. Riley locked ze console…"

"Well then unlock it," Jim said. He looked back at the doctor. "Continue, Bones."

Pavel took a deep breath. "Ensign Authorization code nine-five-wictor-wictor-two."

"Access denied," the computer replied.

Pavel frowned, and ignoring a snicker from Scotty and the bridge going quiet, tried again. "Ensign Authorization code nine-five-wvwictor-wvwwictor-two."

"Access denied," the computer replied. A laugh escaped Scotty, and a few more choked off giggles came from around the bridge.

Pavel slammed his hand down on the console and yelled at it in Russian. Nyota, being the only other person on the bridge who knew Russian, spun around.

"Pavel!" she cried. Pavel momentarily flushed pink as he remembered the Communications officer was fluent in Russian.

"Whoa, calm down there," Sulu said. Pavel glared at him and the Helmsman's smile disappeared quickly. He spun around to face those who were still giggling.

"Vwhat? Ees not funny!" Pavel cried. "Ees not my fault I have problems weeth English!"

"You don't have trouble with English, Pavel," McCoy said. "Frankly, your English is better than _some_ people. You just have trouble with certain sounds. It's not uncommon."

"Aye, a friend o' mine can'a say 'milk'," Scotty said. "He says 'melk'."

"I still have trouble with pronunciation in some languages," Nyota said. "And it's my job to be able to pronounce words correctly."

"Exactly," McCoy said.

"Yees, but you can still say an access code correctly, no?" Pavel replied. "Eet take me multiple tries to say mine!"

"Erm…" Nyota looked down.

"Look, Pavel, we'll help you out, okay?" Jim said.

"How, Keptin?" Pavel asked. "I have tried before."

"Well, this will be different," Jim replied. "We just need a word that won't set the computer off…"

McCoy glanced to his right and smiled. "Vulcan," he coughed.

Spock looked up from his station and raised an eyebrow. McCoy flashed a sly grin at him.

'_Won't set the _ship's_ computer off,_' McCoy thought. '_Didn't say anything about the walking pointed-eared one._'

"Vulcan." Jim shrugged. "Yeah, I guess that'll work. Repeat after me, Pavel: Vulcan."

"Wulcan," Pavel said.

"No, Vulcan, with a 'vv'," McCoy corrected him.

"Vvwulcan."

"Close," Sulu said. "_V_ulcan."

"Wvvwulcan."

"Almost," Nyota added. "Put your bottom lip against your top teeth."

"Vwuulcan?"

"Vulcan," Scotty said.

"Wvvwulcan… oh zees ees stupid!" Pavel cried out in frustration. "I can't do eet!"

"Mr. Chekov, you almost had it that last time," Spock said, who at this point was becoming slightly insulted that Pavel couldn't say Vulcan properly (no doubt this was the point of Dr. McCoy suggesting the word in the first place). "Try it once more."

"Weell…" Pavel looked down.

"Once more," Spock repeated. "Repeat:…"

"_V_ulcan," they all said.

Pavel took a deep breath. "Wul… Vwul… Vulcan."

"Yeah! All right Pavel!" the others cheered. Spock nodded.

"Once more," Spock said.

"Vulcan!" Pavel said happily. "Oh thank you, Mr. Spock!"

"Try your code now, Pav," Sulu said.

Still smiling, Pavel turned to face the console. "Ensign Authorization code nine-five-victor-victor-two!"

The computer beeped in compliance as the console unlocked. The bridge crew cheered.

"Hey! Vwhat are you doing?" Pavel asked as Jim reached over and locked the console again.

"Making sure it stuck," Jim replied. "Say it again."

"Nine-five-victor-wictor-two!"

"Access denied," the computer answered.

Pavel turned and glared at his Captain. Jim squirmed in his chair. Nyota face-palmed. Scotty laughed. Sulu and Spock shook their heads. McCoy stepped out of the way to facilitate Jim's getaway.

"Oops," Jim said.

Jim barely got off the bridge in one piece, though McCoy succeeded in getting him down to sickbay for his physical.


End file.
